The Office Games
by He1enKe11er
Summary: A story with the plot and rules of "Hunger Games" and the characters of "Office." The "Office" is a paper company called Dunder Mifflin in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Stay tuned to find out what office character wins.


The Office Games

Jim Halpert woke up in the cold December morning sick to his stomach and drenched with sweat. The day he had been dreading for weeks had finally come. He turns to his small apartment window to see snow softly falling down over Scranton, Pennsylvania. "The last time I may wake up to a snowfall," Jim thinks to himself. "The last time I'll wake up in this bed. The last time I'll..," Jim forces himself to stop wallowing as he climbs out of bed to start this day he'd feared.

You see, the Hunger Games had once been eradicated by a girl whose name Jim could never quite remember (Katpiss…Catnip…Kat-something Everglade?). However, Jim's former boss, Jan Levenson (who had become Mayor of Scranton from the outrageous success of her candle company, _Serenity by Jan_) had managed to bring the games back specifically for Scranton, Pennsylvania. Though Jan should have been satisfied with her position of power as Mayor, she desperately wished to reclaim her top position at Dunder Mifflin. To accomplish this goal, Jan needed a clever way of eliminating Dunder-Mifflin employees while boosting overall morale in her town. The town of Scranton loved reality TV, violence, and had no respect for a paper companies like Dunder Mifflin (they had all moved on to Staples at this point). After an official town vote, the employees of Dunder Mifflin were chosen as Tributes.

Jim shakily made his way out of the door of his apartment to arrive at the Office Game Training promptly at 9:00 AM. Though Jim had always hoped for some excitement from his boring office job, killing or being killed by his coworkers was not exactly what he had in mind. As he arrived at the Training, Jim assessed some of his future competition. First, his manager, Michael Scott had few skills besides uncontrollable usage of the "That's what she said" joke. Currently, Michael was showing off his various racist and offensive celebrity impersonations to the judges. Toby Flenderson sat in the corner of the training center, refusing to participate in any way as it broke too many Human Resources violations. Dwight Schrute, Jim's foe before the Games had begun, was practicing his karate skills by smashing beets with single hard chops. Dwight had few weaknesses besides his undying devotion to Michael Scott. Phyllis Vance, standing nearby Dwight, was perfecting her poisonous baked goods. Angela, who owned 37 cats, showed off her "animal whispering" abilities to the judges. Kevin, impressively displayed his ability to eat a 3 lb. bowl of chili in under a minute. The judges had no need to evaluate Creed as he was widely known as the office creep and had openly admitted to killing before. Andy Bernard was trying to impress the judges by bragging about his alma mater, Cornell. Meredith, the "office slut" according to Michael, was attempting to seduce the judges by removing various pieces of her clothing. Jim shuddered and quickly looked away. As he turned away, he made eye contact with his office crush, Pam Beasley. Pretty, kind, and funny—Jim knew he could never hurt Pam even if it meant his own life.

It may seem that there were some office members missing. Jan had spared some employees who she particularly liked while others had succumbed to the pressure of the games. Stanley let his heart disease finally take him, engorging himself to death until his heart could take no more. Oscar, wishing to step away from the stress of the Games, attended a nearby Gay Pride parade where he was unfortunately trampled (sources indicate that this was Oscar's plan all along). Kelly, devastated after hearing Ryan never had or would love her, had died of a broken heart.

The next few days flew by for Jim as he prepared for the Games. Jim had no special skills, but he had gained much popularity from the Scranton crowd for his goofy looks to the cameras surrounding him. Jim did not sleep a bit the night before the Games. All he thought of was Pam and how he wished they could both survive the Games. However, Jan had made this impossible.

This thought carried Jim as he was lifted to the course the Office Games would be held at. Jim was as shocked as all the other tributes to find the course was an exact replica of the Dunder Mifflin office. The only difference was that Michael's former office had been turned into a weapon room of sorts. No traditional weapons were included, but instead piles of staplers, stacks of paper, and pens (more deadly than you would think). Each tribute carefully prepared to run towards the supply office or hide as the booming countdown from 10 began. "10, 9, 8 –" Kevin stepped off his designated spot before the countdown ended. Sources say the smell of burnt chili could be detected from miles away. "7, 6, 5, 4—" Jim made eye contact with Pam. They shared a nervous smile. "3, 2, 1—". The Office Games had begun.

Due to the inexperience and lack of athleticism of most of the tributes, nearly all contestants were killed within the first minute. Phyliss and Angela went right for each other, eager to avenge the power dynamic of the Party Planning Committee. Creed took advantage of Andy adjusting his sweater vest and quickly took him out. Dwight, carrying Michael on his back, took Creed out with two simultaneous staplers. Meanwhile, Meredith, accidentally killed herself by drinking poison disguised as a margarita.

All that remained was Jim, Pam, Michael, and Dwight. Desperate to keep Pam alive, Jim armed himself with stacks of paper to protect her from Michael, Dwight, and Dwight's staplers. Dwight charged Jim, hoping to make up for the hundreds of pranks Jim had played on Dwight over their years together. Dwight ran too aggressively and Michael fell off his back and slammed his head into the copy machine. Dwight rushed back to Michael who was fading in and out of consciousness. "Michael, please don't go. You can't be finished this soon," Dwight pleaded. With his last breath, Michael whispered, "That's what she said." As Dwight was bent over crying over Michael, Jim smashed Dwight's head to the ground with a heavy cart of paper. Dwight died in attempt to help Michael, a death he would have found particularly noble.

Now, only Jim and Pam remained. Jim knew there was no better time to confess his love for Pam. He knew Jan had a particular soft spot for romantic monologues (her favorite by her teenage assistant, Hunter) and thought she may have sympathy on these star-crossed lovers (as her and Hunter were legally forbidden to date as well). He began to spell out his love for Pam in the most poetic way he could conjure. Jim grabbed both of Pam's hands as he started, "Pam, I've loved you since the day I met you. You are the only thing that got me through this job and these Games. Please, say you return this love—" Jim's monologue was stopped when Pam kissed him. He had been waiting for a moment like this for years. He was starting to think these Games might have actually been the best thing that had happened to him when he felt a sharp pain in his back. Pam, who had smuggled a pen throughout all the chaos, took a step back from Jim and smirked. Jim fell on the ground, gasping for breath. Pam leaned over Jim's dying body then turned to the cameras as she remarked, "How many times did I have to tell him I'm engaged to Roy?"


End file.
